The not -so- heavenly gift

<1>

Always, have I had good values and virtues, none of which were acquired from my forbearers. I find I obtain my qualities by educating my person from experiences and observations, from analyzations and contemplations, from believing in instincts and believing in my self. Previously to this repugnant event, I was bestowed with plenty of responsibilities. I abhorred my responsibilities but accepted them, for I knew not what else of an option I might have had. These responsibilities were equal to the weight of the world which I was still struggling to bear. I could heed the heavens and their soundless whisper of censure. They deemed it utterly necessary to conquer me and mine desires; to break me and mine will. Surely, the holy beings thought of this as a gift, in their deceitful way of offering me endowments ; only, almost certainly to get authorization from God. A gift, my mother one day came to inform me. She said "Todun! You are to have a new baby brother!!" A new baby brother!! Why on gravel did these beings consider this to be a gift?

<2>

I remember the day clearly in my dearly dedicated mind; I remember it to be lucid, with not an intimation of a cloud in sight. All things were gleaming and shimmering in the dispersed sunlight, when suddenly a cloud appeared from nowhere seeming to levitate over the radiant sun; as if to tease. It stood there with its opaque stance. It was as thick as smog in duration of a ghastly blizzard, and just as dark, indeed just as tainted. I gaped at it as it gave the impression of glaring back. I considered this, finding it peculiar and oddly disturbing. In this moment, I discerned this murk to be an acquaintance of the not so heavenly-heavenly beings and disregarded it. The market, where my mother and I have been walking through all day, seemed so crowded with people growling; snarling and sneering in their witless attempt get a hold of on sale items. These beings fought over on sale items like food deprived hyenas finding recently dead meat. Paving our way through scores of Hyenas, my mother stopped suddenly and with much quickness; it made me cease as well. I turned to see the reason why we had stopped, looking right towards my mother. Her face looked aghast almost ghostly. She had turned pale and her lips were lacking moisture. She looked around as if to make sure no one took notice of her and then back at me "Call your father" she whispered to me, with much pain reflecting her voice. It began to rain heavily, I knew precisely what was next…

<3>

The hospital emanated a stench of chorine bleach and ailing inhabitants. The scope which I was at present was sinister and ominous amplifying my fretfulness to the point of no rescue. I could hear the rain steadily hit the window pane. I was terribly uneasy to the position of having a twitch spasm every time the third to the left florescent light flicked off and on. In truth, I was indifferent to the idea of a new brother; the irksome inconvenience of the appended responsibility was the dilemma to which I was not charmed to. Little did I know that the heavens had a little more in mind! My father walked in the room looking around for me. He finally discovered me and offered me a grin stretching from the each ends of the great wall. He walked up to me with a clink and a clank in his step, and said "Wow!! Never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamt we would be honored with not one but two handsome boys. You should be incredibly thrilled. Todun you must count your blessings!!" Indubitably I did as my heart dropped all thirty stories of the hospital building. I tried to rationalize why these heavenly beings were in opposition to any contentment that may happen to glide into my verve. This left me with a feeling of incarceration, an atrocity, and impertinence for my liberty.

<4>

Three years, slowly stole away by these devious devils given to me by the not so heavenly- heavenly beings. Brothers of mine, slowly I did begin to love, all the more to the zenith of lovability. Never has my person felt such love for another not talking of two others in which situation I currently find myself in. These new feelings soared inside of me destroying the individual who once was, and created anew a self who now is. This new self was of a more patient persona for how else can this new being pact with two animated three year olds. This new self lacked self-interest in her ways and fancied pleasing others; she grew to be unquestionably admiring of the two devils. I took on the role of a mother, as immodest as it may seem to be. I cooked, bathed, dressed, fed, cleaned and did everything for the two devils.

<5>

With as much love as I shower upon my brothers I cannot endure much of their vigorousness. Sometimes it seems as though tears are not enough to purge my dislike of the irksome behavior of these two out of control devils. They are like malevolent malicious monkeys who've been let out into the ruthless tropical world. The thought of squandering each day with them constructs a vicious image in mine mind; like a living nightmare prolonged into a life time. Deep inside me, a scream awaits to be exposed, but self-control, another virtue learned, be- stilled this want of freedom crawling in my anatomy. Thoughts of my empty childhood flow into my head and my lack of influence growing up follows. I was in an empty abyss, had no one to sustain and instruct me; I was alone. I consider my position and what I could do in the lives of both the devils. I could raise them to be courageous, loving and capable. I dream of the day when these two devils grow to be men and I look at them and see myself, a mirror of me and my accomplishments. And I will look at them and smile and be proud as they walk off to their jobs. I will say to my self "Yes!! I had a little to do with who and what they became just as they had something to do with whom and what I've become."

<6>

And so presently I look up at the sky and hear the snickering of the heavenly beings. I heed their atrocious laugh. This gift they had whispered of perhaps has been a gift after all. I hear the "ha"s! And the "ho ho ho"s! I laugh alongside them, for although my brothers can sometimes be burdens, they are always and always will be my pride and my joy. These heavenly beings opened my heart to understand what had always been their motive. To elevate me and mine desires; to sanction me and mine will. Out side the sky was brilliant and joyful and the sun seemed to be in on the tale, for it laughed with me.